Common life events that cause grief
Grief occurs when a person or pet we love dies, and when something important to us and close to our heart ends.
When we experience the death of a loved one, or the end of an important close relationship we not only grieve over the immediate loss, but we also grieve over our hopes and dreams that were attached to the loss.
Grief brings on emotions that ranges from dull aching sadness to intense and overwhelming sadness and despair. Grief also causes physical aches and pains. For example, you may feel a tightness or aching in your chest. Grieving is a natural response to heartbreak.
A person who is grieving may also experience feelings of anger, guilt, shame, resentment, and anxiety. It is very important to not judge nor shame yourself for any negative thoughts or feelings that occur while you're grieving. Doing so will only add to your distress. Do your best to be kind and compassionate towards yourself during this difficult time.
Because of the intense and difficult emotions that is caused by grief you may find yourself wanting to avoid them. Avoiding having to experience your emotions may look like keeping yourself extremely busy, using alcohol, drugs, or sex to escape, masking your real emotions, or putting up a false persona for the world to see, or stuffing and bottling up your emotions.
When a person avoids their feelings or tries to numb themselves, they do so with the intention of protecting themselves from experiencing the pain associated with their grief. What ends up happening is they disrupt the natural healing process and avoidance strategies often causes more distress in the long run.
There isn't a designated time frame as to when the grieving process will end. Grief is often a lifelong process. Through healing and with time the intensity of grief will decrease. When a new loss occurs, when the anniversary of a loss comes up, and during milestone life events you may be reminded of past losses and find yourself needing to grieve again.
Your grief is a direct result of your capacity to care and to love deeply. Your ability to invest so genuinely in your relationships with those you care for and the parts of your life that are of great importance to you is a measure of your passionate humanity.
When you lose something you once held so dear it’s like your world has been turned upside down. Significant losses can feel devastating.
Our society isn't comfortable talking about death and other losses. This is especially true when a person's loved one died tragically.
I often hear from people that they don't know what to say to a person who is grieving. They also tell me they don't want to intrude or upset the grieving person by asking bringing up the subject or talking about the loss. When the grieving person brings up the subject of their grief the other person will often reply with well-intended phrases that are usually unhelpful such as, "At least they are in a better place now."
Although friends and family have compassionate intentions not talking to a person about their loss and not acknowledging their grief can cause them to feel alone, or like they must hide their grief from others.
Therapy offers a safe and supportive space to talk openly about your loss.
Therapy provides a non-judgmental and confidential setting, so you are free to express yourself as you need to.
As your therapist I'll gently help you explore your thoughts and emotions related to your loss. I'll also teach you effective coping strategies that can be used to comfort yourself and help you through the most difficult moments.
You'll learn to view your grief as an aspect of your humanity and not something you need to feel ashamed about or fearful of. You'll also discover creative and meaningful ways to express your grief outside of your therapy sessions.
I can't take your pain away, but I can be a strong support along your healing journey.
We both know that nobody can magically remove your heartache and I know that isn't what you're expecting. What you can expect is that as my client you'll receive my therapeutic support and clinical expertise.
Grief is a universal experience that all humans will go through at some point in their life.
Although grief is something we all go through how a person chooses to grieve is always deeply personal and unique.
I'm no stranger to the grieving process. I too have had my world turned upside down in the blink of an eye. During the grieving process I know the days can feel long and the nights can be oh so dark.
I'm here to tell you that you will get through this difficult and sorrowful time.
Malissa is available to provide therapy to residents in CA & WA by using a secure Telehealth platform (online therapy). If you are not a resident in CA or WA you can access one of Malissa's personal growth workshops.
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